Taco/Mic
When I first met you, I was scared. Out there, in the dark and the quiet, all you were was a voice. You with your snide remarks, throwing my insecurities back at me after stealing them from my own diary.
Then came surprise, seeing you for the first time. You looked different than what I expected. Smaller...? I know you don't like when I call you that. I had heard of you before, and this encounter confirmed the rumors I had heard.
And yet I also felt... relieved? I didn't want to admit it at the time, but I... liked how you look. Those crimson red tomatoes barely sticking out, the oversized lettuce slightly drooping over your face like a green haircut... there was something about the disconnect between your appearance and your... everything else.
Deep inside me a flame screamed louder than I ever could, and though I tried my best to mute it, all I could hear was its words as I stepped out of the woods;
"I think I love you."
----------------------
A voice you stayed, like a devil on my shoulder telling me what to do, where to go, how to fight, how to win. Did I really have a choice when you knew my deepest secrets? I guess you didn't have one either.
It wasn't unpleasant, to have someone to direct me. I worried less, I did more. This isn't ideal, I thought, but maybe this is how I can win. This is how I can stand up for myself. Maybe there's no other way.
I know you enjoyed yourself too. You liked me, or you liked ordering me - both, obviously - and I could tell you were changing. Slowly, sure. Your tone shifted a little. Less condescending. Less insulting. Lots of snide remarks, yes, but maybe softer ones.
Were you making me worse, or was I making you better?
One thing was for sure, though;
I love you, still.
----------------------
Inevitably, some became suspect, one found out. Did that matter? It worried me, of course. I didn't want you to get ripped away, so far into everything. I didn't want you to leave. You didn't want to leave me.
You had changed. We both changed. We made each other better, right? I was happier with myself. I could stand up against adversity. I could get back at those who wronged me.
You were kinder to me. You praised me not out of necessity, but sincerely. This was no longer an obligation but a proper relationship. We looked at each other with the respect we deserved. Our pasts behind us, our futures together.
Away from prying eyes I stole a kiss from you, and you gave it back a hundredfold. Under the cover of the caves' darkness, we felt like we could do anything.
And before I knew it, I heard you say the words, and my answer came back faster that I could think;
"I love you, too".
----------------------
And then it happened. It all came crashing down. I realized how stupid I was. I realized what had happened.
Your voice carrying me where I shouldn't go. Your fingers pointing me to do things I wouldn't do. Your eyes... keeping me going, even when my body couldn't.
You had taken over me. I thought this was good. I thought I was making you better. Was I naive to think you could improve?
Maybe you thought the same. But I didn't make you any better. You only made me like you.
You made me worse.
I did what you wanted. I pulled the trigger. I followed your orders. We were only having fun. We were only doing what we had to do. We were only winning.
Why couldn't you see the fear in my eyes? Why did I have to see the joy in yours?
Once again you became only a voice. Once again I spoke before I thought. And once again still, I knew what I was saying was true.
"But I love you", you said.
I know.
All posts written from